Before I start my "reality check" story, I want to preface the story by stating that I have always prided myself on being very independent. I have always been one to prove that I can make it on my own...a.k.a. stubborn. Ask my husband or my parents :)
As a lay in bed on day 4 of the flu, I feel like I had several "welcome to reality" moments this weekend. I won't get into details on my sickness, but I will say this has been the most difficult sickness I've had since...well, I can remember. The first two days were by far the worst in regards to having a fever and no strength. On Friday I had a breakdown - because I wasn't able to get my step-son and do all the fun activities I had planned, I couldn't go to my boot camp that night, and I was going to miss several important appointments at work. I quickly realized this wasn't going away anytime soon. My parents who live 4 hours away had to work, and would have come down if I would have let them; I didn't want anyone else getting the flu.
I was texting my mom and my Uncle; telling them my symptoms. I was able to get a prescription called into my pharmacy, which was a huge relief...and then I realized I had no strength to even drive the 5 miles to my pharmacy. I remember thinking to myself, I don't want to be a burden to anyone else. This is my fault I didn't get a flu shot so I need to figure out how to get to the pharmacy. I thought maybe if I slept a little longer then I could muster up the strength to get in the car and drive to get my prescription. This was reality check #1 - I don't have any supplies, medication, and I'm alone. My mom graciously talked to my Aunt and Uncle who live here and by surprise they brought flu medicine, lots of soups, crackers, goodies, and sprite. I was so humbled that they went out of their way to help me. I have since then eaten and drank 90% of what they brought me. I literally had nothing but apples, bananas, and almond milk.
So I thought things would have to get better...reality check #2 - my husband does more for me than I could have ever imagined. It's the little things when you are alone that start to make a big difference. Starting from feeding the dogs, letting them outside every few hours, taking a shower and getting dressed (very difficult when you have no strength), taking the trash out for trash day, making soup and standing over the stove for 5 minutes...small tasks seemed so difficult when you have a fever of 102 and can barely move. My next breakdown was when I was trying to open a bottle of water. Who knew such a small task would be so hard? I tried for about 5 minutes to open a bottle of water and then sobbed. I looked around and no one was here to help. I was completely by myself.
Today I went to Urgent Care to get cough relief and come to find that my doctor had just returned from his deployment in December. He asked how I was doing, and I once again started crying. I told him moments like this make you very thankful for your spouse. Reality check #3 - I'm not really alone...although they say only a small % of the population goes through a deployment, I just happened to cross paths with one today. I truly believe people are placed in your life for a purpose. I feel like God had brought this doctor to me at this moment for a reason - to assure and comfort me after a very tough weekend. Before he left, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I want to thank you for all of your selfless acts and for supporting your husband. Not everyone can do what you have to do, but I appreciate your sacrifice."
The reason I tell this story is not to throw myself a pity party or ask others for sympathy...instead for me this was a time to understand the reality of how I am living for the next 7 1/2 months. But to also, let my guard down and ask for help. I know there are so many people who say, "don't hesitate, call us anytime"; but I don't want to be a burden on someone else's life because I chose to marry a man who has a career in the military. So my struggle over the next months is to try and figure out new things that I wouldn't have done before like change the windshield wiper fluid (I did that last week) or to keep the outside mowed. But in turn, calling my friends, family, or neighbors when I need help. And they won't help me because they "feel bad" for me, but because they want to help.
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