What Every Military Wife Wants You to Know

My husband’s been deployed for a little over 3 months and there have been a handful of things I have learned about myself, our relationship, and others. I don’t want this to be mistaken for bashing or sympathy, but to help others who know someone going through the same situation.

The day my husband left was the hardest day of my life. I had a very difficult day; I wanted to be selfish. I wanted him to hold my hand every minute before he left, sit next to me during the ceremony, and tell me he loved me over and over again. That may sound terrible to others, but that’s me being vulnerable and honest. I will never forget the first and last hug before he left. I remember like it was yesterday – each of his family members and my family gave him hugs first. Then he hugged his little boy and then he hugged me. The moment we wrapped our arms around each other was a very intimate moment…we wept together. Our little family of 3 walked down the hallway to the room where they all had to meet before his departure. He hugged his little boy, and then me and started to walk away. That was the moment when I realized I had to be strong not only for myself, but for my family.

 

We are not even halfway through my husband’s deployment, but I have already gathered a few things that are worth sharing to others. I know there are many others, but these stick out in my mind the most. If you are currently going through a deployment then you can understand where I’m coming from, or if you know someone who will go through this, maybe you can take a few things I say that will help you.

1)      The most common question: How long is his deployment? – So I say 10 months…this is the most common response I have received. “10 months that’s not long at all” or “really…that’s it?” I understand maybe some people feel awkward, but I would like to ask you a question, how would you like to be apart from your spouse for 10 months. I’m not looking for sympathy, but a simple “okay” would suffice.

2)      Another comment I have received a lot is people stating that my husband is not in the “front lines” so he’s not in any danger. I hate to be blunt, but every position overseas is considered a war zone. When someone says that to me, it makes me think they see no point in what my husband is doing. My husband chose his career because he is a self-less leader. Every day when he walks to work, spends 12 hours working on helicopters, and travels to other cities in the Middle East he is sacrificing his life in a war zone.

3)      Military wives and families don’t want your sympathy. I knew what I was getting myself into. We talked about his career when we had only been dating for a few months and I accepted that as part of my life. That doesn’t make it any easier when he is gone, but I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. I just ask for continued friendships, not special treatment.

To the other wives who will go through or have gone through a deployment, I want to say thank you. Although I know our husbands are protecting us from a far, I think a lot of people don’t appreciate the moms and families back at home. We have to keep things running normal, take care of the kids, tell our husbands we are fine (even if we aren’t), and add his chores to our list. I have chosen to use this as empowerment for myself. Before I met my husband, I lived alone and was very independent. The past 3 years, I have become very reliant on his skill set. He is my Mr. Fix-It…he fixes my car, mows the lawn, and he builds all my Pinterest projects. I have come to appreciate the things I took for granted while proving to myself that I can do the very same things he does.

Over the past 3 months I have cried, found new passions, been fearful of the unknown, and faithful. I have cried out in prayer asking for his safety, talked to my step-son about why daddy is gone, and found myself sleeping in my husband’s favorite shirt to feel safe. But most of all, I have found comfort in doing things that would make him proud. I have always felt that my “job” while he is away, is to be strong. If there is a problem, I will find a way to fix it and if I am sad, he won’t know. That’s not to lead him to think I don’t miss him, but I don’t want him worrying about me when he needs to be focused on his job and safety. So although I have a rollercoaster of emotions, I just ask that if you see me cry, keep walking. I’m not looking for sympathy, but it could be a sweet card he mailed me, or thinking about our favorite sushi restaurant that makes my eyes water. I have found coping by driving my husband’s pride and joy, his truck. I feel like we are together. So when I miss him more than usual, I crank up his favorite country song and just drive because I remember that moment when he left and we cried together. And then I have to smile because I can look forward to the day when he comes home and we are crying because we are both happy he is home.